Soon I am going to publish a collection of short stories, so I want to give readers of this website the opportunity to have a sneak peek at that content. I’ll rotate the story on this page about once a month, and make a short post and tweet about it each time I do.
My short fiction is extremely diverse and sometimes bouncing off the walls. Whatever you may expect as a reader, you’ll probably always be in for a surprise. Please enjoy the unique and previously unpublished short story of mine below. I hope you enjoy it, and if you do please feel encouraged to send me a note to tell me what you liked about it and why. And if you don’t — I’m sorry! But you still might enjoy the next one. Cheers!
Nuclear Dreams
Every day I dream there will be a nuclear war. I sit in my cell and I watch the sky. And dream about the missiles, or the bombers, or whatever. That’s what I dream about, that’s what gets me through the day. I hope for it. That the nukes will fly. It’s my fantasy. It’s my hope for the future. Some day the nukes will fly. How long has it been? Fifty, sixty years since the last one? It can’t go on forever. They’ll have to launch eventually. It will all add up. The perfect storm. They talk about the perfect storm. I always hope for the perfect storm. It will add up. Someone crazy will get into power. Someone totally insane. Someone who thinks like me, maybe, someone trapped. And the nukes will fly. The big, beautiful, boom. Every day I dream about it.
That’s what I’d like to see, mutants roaming around the countryside, the people with big swollen legs the size of a hippopotamus, and their noses the size of apples. The green, glowing men, dripping their slime. The babies with their faces melted off. Who would be the jailers then? Who would keep the prisoners in line? No one. There would be no one to bother with us, then. Everyone would be free. Everyone alive. Everyone alive would be free, that’s what I dream about. The mutants. Maybe I would be a mutant. It wouldn’t be so bad. Dragging my big elephant leg across the countryside. Smelling the flowers, smelling the outside. I bet it would smell differently if you were a mutant, I bet flowers would smell crazy, like an acid trip. And I’d just be smelling those flowers, and dragging my big leg across the country. No problems. I’d find me a mutant bride, or maybe become a mutant ‘player’, a big pimp. Maybe the radiation would kill more of the men than the women, and there would be a ton of female mutants around. Looking for a man who could kiss them without throwing up. Looking for any man. I’d kiss one of them right now, mutant baby, I don’t care, kiss me back. Let’s fuck and love each other. I don’t care. I’ll take a mutant baby. I’m so lonely.
That’s the thing, the jails would be just fine. Out here in the countryside, in these little shitty towns. I don’t even know where I am. Nobody would bother to drop a missile out here, believe me. The jailers would all run home to their wives and husbands, we’d all be free. We’d be just fine. And everybody would be scared, too scared to bother each other. Nobody would know what to do, and that would suit me perfectly. After the flashes in the distance, the big nuclear feedback, after the flashes took a picture of the world and showed us that everything was going to be alright, that we were all going to be free, and all the shit had been incinerated…
The counselors tell me I shouldn’t dream about that. They don’t understand. After a nuclear war, they won’t be here. It will just be me with my elephant leg, roaming around the countryside. Just me and the mutant girls I find, loving each other. Taking a swim in the glowing rivers, because we don’t care. That radiation feels good to us now. We know we’re going to die. What’s different about that? That’s nothing different. You’re just going to die a mutant, big deal. We’ll just enjoy life, me and my girls. Swimming in the glowing rivers and laying out in the sun. Eating the giant apples off the tree, they’ll probably grow year round after the bombs drop. People think it would all be bad, but it wouldn’t all be bad, it would be good. A lot of it would be good, you just have to think positive about it and see the good side. Everyone would be free. You could just walk around wherever you want and do whatever you want, and nobody would bother you about it, because you’re a mutant and they’re a mutant, and all the crap has already been destroyed, so what are you going to fight over? Mutants of the world unite, that’s what I say. That’s what I want to say, after the nuclear war. What has it been fifty, sixty years since the last one dropped? It can’t go on forever.
The sky is so bright, even here where I can barely see the sun, it’s so bright. When I crane my neck up to see the sun. The sky is bright. It must feel so good to be outside. People think it would all go bad, that the sky would go dark, and there would be a nuclear winter. I don’t think that. All that radiation and active waste, that smoke up, flying around the world, I bet the sun’s rays will just bounce around in that and get magnified, like they are shining through a lens. I bet the world will just be brighter and more beautiful than ever. All that nuclear glow in the sky, and you think it will be dark? No way it will be dark, it will be so bright that even in the night time you can just lay out in a field and get a tan.
That’s what I dream about, getting a tan with my mutant girl. Rubbing our big elephant legs together, and kissing her on her apple nose. On her huge, fat nose that runs down her face. I bet her eyes would glow, I bet everything would glow, I bet her breasts would be the size of watermelons. And so even if my hands swelled up as large as catcher’s mitts, they would be just the perfect size, and she’d appreciate it, they’d all appreciate it. They would all love for me to touch them. A lot of men wouldn’t be able to handle it, a lot of men wouldn’t be able to look at a mutant girl and love her. Even if they were a mutant too, they would just think she was disgusting. That’s why I would have them to myself, all those mutant girls. Beautiful mutant girls. I’d take a mutant girl right now. I’m so lonely. I’d kiss her on her apple nose, and rub here big elephant thighs. I’d make her feel special, and make her love me.
She wouldn’t care what I did. Nobody would care about that. After the nuclear war. It’s such small potatoes. Two, three billion people would be dead. It’s such nothing. And who would rule the world? Probably prisoners like me. We’d all get out of jail, and we’d know where it went wrong. In the radiating, nuclear world. In the radiant world. Everyone would be free after the bombs dropped. That’s what I like to think about. I think about it every day. I crane my neck so I can look up and see the sky, and watch for those flashes. You could get a tan just from the radiation in the sky. It would feel so good. And all us prisoners that got free, do you think we would waste our time running around putting other mutants in jail? It would never happen. Just look at the man, Mandela, Nelson Mandela, they put him in jail for so long, so what do you think he did when he got out, you think he ran around putting them all in jail? No. No way at all. He said, let’s all forgive each other. Let’s all us mutants forgive each other. He said, just come up here and admit what you did wrong, and let’s forgive each other. Let’s everyone be free.
The counselors say I’ve spent too much time here by myself. They call it solitary time. They don’t understand. How can it be solitary if I am talking to the counselors? They say I shouldn’t wish for the nuclear war, but it’s what I hope for every day. Every morning I wake up and hope it’s happened. Sometimes at night, I look at the sky and watch for the flash. I can see it from here, right where I’m laying. I don’t have to crook my neck, I can just lay down and watch it. Watch for the flash. God’s camera flash. Taking a picture of the world and judging it all at once. Editing out the bad stuff. Editing in the mutants. That’s the stuff that the counselors don’t understand. How can it be solitary if I’m talking to them? They say I need to forget what the other prisoners did to me. They say it will be ok now, that I can go out there again, and it will be ok. I don’t even remember that. What the other prisoners did to me? I don’t remember. I don’t need to go out, it’s right here where I can watch the sky and watch for the flashes. See? That’s what I live for. How can it be solitary if I’m talking to them?
That’s one of the things about the nuclear war, I bet it would do all kinds of things. I bet it would wipe out the AIDS, that would be the best thing for prisoners. I wonder what the rapists would do if they didn’t have the AIDS. They tell me I need to get tested, I’m not that worried about it. I feel ok. I bet that radiation would wipe it out. I bet it would wipe them all out, all the diseases and agony in the world. We’d just be mutants, that’s all. And how is a virus going to live in a mutant body? I don’t think it can. I bet you it can’t live in a mutant body at all. And everything would be different. What would happen in here, people would be raping each other and spreading the AIDs around still? Punishing each other with the AIDs rape? Is that what happened to me, is that why they say I should get tested? Haha, I don’t think they would care. It must have been something different. But it doesn’t matter. After the nuclear war, what do you think would happen? The jailers would keep us bottled up in here? The good people would keep us bottled up in here? They would spend their time making sure we are all miserable and raping each other and spreading the AIDs and all the hate in the world, bottled up in here? They’d all be gone. The jailers, and police, and counselors. They’d all have bigger fish to fry. Halibut. No, marlin. They’d all have marlin to fry. And the walls of the prison would break down, see, and all that hate, the anger and pain, would just seep out, expand, and drift away up into the air, and be extinguished by the rain in the sky. When all us mutants had room to breathe again, like we never had when we were men. Just like the AIDs, it would all be washed away. In the radiant world after the nuclear war.
I think about it all the time. How will I get out of here after the war? After I see those beautiful camera flashes in the sky. When the bombs drop. I’m locked up here in a little concrete hole. And nobody would be bringing me food or water, and the plumbing probably wouldn’t work. It would be dark, the electricity would be gone I bet. Like, I wonder if the bombs would shake the earth so much that the walls of the prison would be broken. Like, as if the foundation shifted, and I could just kick and kick against the wall and it would crumble away. It could be. It’s possible. But I think, what I think would happen is, somebody would let us out. Somebody would come let us all out. Nobody would just leave us in here. The jailers, they wouldn’t want to just leave us all to die. They’d set somebody free. Right when they were going to leave. Maybe the last one, the last guard. The one who doesn’t have a wife. The gay one. He’d go unlock the door for his friends and let them out. He’d say, “Well, I guess the world has come to an end now, there’s no reason to keep you in there anymore. There’s no country any more, there’s no laws to break any more, there’s nothing to steal.” He’d say, “Well, I guess you’re free to go and do what you want. Have a good life, and I don’t think we’ll see each other again.” He’d leave the keys, and he’d drive away fast. He’d be thinking about it, where to go. Probably, he would want to get down to the equator. Nobody wants to nuke anything on the equator. Did you ever notice that? What do they know about it that we don’t know? Like, would the world explode if they dropped a nuke on the equator? That’s where I’d go, if I wanted to get away. But I wouldn’t want to get away.
My neck gets sore from craning it to look up at the sky and watch for the flash. Those big, beautiful nuclear bombs. It would be so beautiful to see them falling. Like, if you were a seagull and you could just fly through the air and watch that big, bertha bomb drop down out of the sky, like a big balloon, just floating down, just ready for the earth. That would be something. Or one of those gorgeous missiles, those great, wonderful things. I think they shoot one big missile up over a city and then it breaks apart into about ten or fifteen little missiles and they fly down and explode equidistantly all around. Wouldn’t that be beautiful? Like, if you were a seagull and you could just watch it from overhead. They all separate out of the big missile and shoot out in formation, like a giant firework. A giant, radiant firework, the most beautiful firework of all. I wish I could see it. I wish I could be there. I hope I can watch the flash. What has it been, fifty, sixty years? It’s bound to happen eventually. I want to watch it when it happens. I don’t want to miss the flash.
After the flash I’ll get out of here. Nobody would bother to keep me in here. Nobody would bother. I’ll go outside, and I’ll meet all the mutants. I’ll say good day to them, and I’ll tell them it’s not so bad. I’ll tell them I’ve been looking forward to this day for a long, long time. It’s not bad, it’s just different, and everything is going to be ok. I’ll take all the mutant girls to me and love them with all my heart. We’ll lay down together, out under the radiant sky, and rub each other’s elephant legs, and kiss each other’s big, runny, apple noses, and just enjoy the glow of the earth, the radiant glow of the new world all around us. Those girls will love me for loving them. They’ll think I must just be so special if I can look at them and my eyes dilate. I don’t mind a mutant girl. We’ll all be free, and nobody would bother to lock anyone up. We’ll all just swim in the warm, radiating river and relax on the shore. And eat the good things that the Lord provides us. People worry about that, but they shouldn’t. The Lord always provides. You don’t have to worry about that. We’ll eat the grubs, or the fruit, or the fireflies, or the mutant dogs roaming around, whatever it is. It will be there, lots of it. Lots of everything. And it will all taste good to a mutant tongue, it will all be new and different. It will all be radiating energy, just a huge, beautiful, energetic new world. With me and my mutant girls, and we’ll go wherever we want. After the flash. That’s what I dream about. I dream about it every day. After the flash. It will be so beautiful. I hope it happens tomorrow. I can’t wait.
[ End.]